Below are some of the most hilarious insurance jokes.
1. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I am here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer thought for a moment, but was puzzled. Finally he asked the engineer, "How do you start a flood?"
2. Insurance man to his lawyer: I want a divorce. My wife has not spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are extremely hard to get.
3. Two brokers and an insurer walked down to the to the train station after a marathon meeting. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they did not hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart. After a desperate rush the two brokers managed to scramble on board.
The insurer looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Do not feel bad, at least two out of three of you made it.' 'That is true…’ sighed the insurer, 'but those two were only here to see me off.'
4. Q: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life policy?
A: A whole life policy eventually matures.
5. “You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent, “So far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.”
“Yes, I know,” replied the insurance agent, “I am them.”
6. Insurance agents never retire, they just expire
7. Insurance agents are premium lovers.
8. Last week I bought a retirement policy. All I have got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.
9. A super genius goes in to see a doctor. “Doc,” the genius says, “I think I am too smart. I am having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it is ruining my social life. Can anything be done?”
The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, “Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why you are having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intelligence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You will still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well.”
The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.
Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.
The doctor says, “Are you all right?”
The former genius just stares blankly.
The doctor shakes him, saying “Say Something.”
The former genius replies, “Can I interest you in a life insurance policy?”
10. The storage place at Larry and Susan's burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.
Susan: "We had that storage place insured for fifty thousand dollars and I want my money."
Agent: "Well just a minute, Mam, it does not work quite like that. First, we will determine the value of the old store and provide you with a new one of equivalent value."